Out-Crazy the Crazies

So, it's now April. I'm not going to make any petty excuse as to why I haven't written anything lately. I just haven't been inspired by anything lately, I am busy, I just got into a book, I have lots of class work to do, I have been trying to lose weight.
I'm lazy.
Anyway.
While waiting for the light-rail tonight, I leaned against a pole and sifted through the book I had in my bag. I had already read the book from cover to cover, so the sifting was pure entertainment...and partially a cooling system (not a "ghouling system", see A Haunting 16 Feb. 2009). Woo for citations!
Quick note, whenever I like a word..the way it sounds, that is...I continue to use it in sentences to come in different forms (sifted, sifting). It's a little game I like to play when writing. It makes life a bit more fun.

Back to the point.
I was leaning against the pole, sifting remember? I didn't want to be bothered. It's much too late an hour to be bothered by anyone. Meanwhile, a man to my right was talking to himself and then approaching different people, yelling at them. No reason at all. Just madness. Well, I was next in line and I didn't want a talkin' to by this 'crazy'.
I came up with a way to avoid the 'crazies' and get away with it. Nobody gets hurt. The trick is to be crazier than them. If they see that you are crazier than them, they surely won't want to mess with you. It's kind of like that blend in with the zombie mob maneuver, except, in this case, it is homeless instead of zombies...and they want your money, not your brains. Well, they might want your brains.
1. Talk to yourself. This is key. No one feels comfortable being around someone who keeps themselves company. This is usually easily done with a book, ipod (Celine Dion lyrics are perfect to look like the ideal 'crazy'), phone, headphones (not plugged in to anything), or some other item in front of you. If you have trouble bringing up conversation with yourself, just say anything that comes to mind. Find inspiration from other homeless crazies.
2. Make sudden, fidgeting movements. No one wants to get punched in the face. They'll back away for sure.
3. Shifty eyes, shifty eyes, shifty eyes. Say that 3 times in a monotone voice at a moderate speed. Lower your eyelids to a medium level and move your pupils from side to side. You end up looking mysterious or in serious need of a fart. Either way, no one will bother you. Mission accomplished.
4. Begin De-Crazy Stage. Okay, all the crazies are gone. No need to continue this charade. Stop talking to yourself and relax your eyes, no one is out to get you.
5. Convince yourself that you are not actually crazy. Take a walk around. Take deep breaths. Finish up any train of thought out loud if you have to.
6. Fight the voices in your head. You show them who is boss! Yell at them if you want to! Do anything to prevent yourself from becoming crazy. Take it out on people around you!

There. See.
Everyone wins.